What the hell??? Is that the question you have? Yeah, two of the favourites in my life do share the same philosophy. That is, 'Free stuff that you don't want is simply called "burden".'

Do you have those end-of-the-season sale clothes and shoes and bags and blah blah blah that you've never dreamed of going out with in the daylight? I'm not a liar so I would have to say, "I do." There are not that many of such items I currently own. What I think is worse than losing money for nothing (apparently, as I never get to use them) is the storage (+garbage management) problem. It's almost like buying garbage, keep it in your bedroom and you'll never have the guts to throw it out 'cos you paid for it so you keep it "just in case."

Bottom line: who cares? It can be healthy to lose some money from time to time.

Now what about higher education (that is grad school to you, folks) ? Not only does it share the philosophy of shopping, it also shares that of a marriage. I've let many scholarship passed me by and I've made a lot of lame excuses to those thinking 'Any degree will do as long as it's free. Why don't you just take it, you idiot?' I think you can get what a 'free stuff' means. Well, the bad part is that it's not as fun as end-of-season sales. By 'going to grad school' on a 'scholarship,' means 'marriage.' You buy a purse you don't want? Fine, hide it under the bed. You marry somebody you don't want? Chances are you'll have to raise the babies - liking it or not. This is pretty much the case for me. Thesis represents marriage and work after gradation represents the kids.

The bottom line here: thus far, choices of free education have never represented my soul mate -- not even an eligible bachelor.

Call me a commitment phobe if you want. I don't think I am. I'm lucky enough to know what I want. But on a second thought, it could have been better not to know it. Because I wouldn't have had to repetitively question my choice for this painfully numerous times.

Hi, it's been quite a long time I haven't added any blog entry. In fact, during the times I was absent, there were insanely plenty of thoughts I didn't know how to write it out in a human language. I sometimes think in an electromagnetic manner, that means I don't actually 'speak' to myself. It is a great mechanism of denial (is that how it spells ... mechanism???), I can think of something I don't want to hear anymore. However, it can be tiring, you can't communicate this kind of idea to anyone -- 'coz even you yourself cannot put it together in a decent spoken language!

I hope this answers the question some people ask me ... "what worries you?" "what do you really think?" And I, most of the times, reply unwisely. I wish there would be someone inventing a gadget that can translate my 'electromagnetic' thought to the others in a universal language. But on a second thought, I don't want that kind of device... Because I wouldn't want my brain being read in the same way as a cassette tape or a morse code (morse??). Mystery is beautiful for some reason. So, at the end of the day, I'll try to solve this mystery by myself.

I've been thinking of meditation. I think something is stirring another thing inside my head. It can be fun, actually, but not this time when I don't really have time to be with myself, and when I haven't bought a CD for 6 months (this is a disaster). I guess the DIY brain examination that used to work and I used to enjoy in my college days might need a new dimension. I'll figure out how to do it. Meditation is a very big challenge, as I notoriously can't be still for just minutes. Wait and see if it works :)

This might be the most confusing blog I've ever written ... Well, I might get even more insane next time. Until then, Cheers!